


For My Own

by youaresunlight



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 5+1 Things, Actor Dean, Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Boyfriends, Destiel Christmas Minibang 2015, Doctor Castiel, Fluff, M/M, Misunderstandings, Resolved Insecurities
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-14
Updated: 2015-12-14
Packaged: 2018-05-06 18:10:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5426741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youaresunlight/pseuds/youaresunlight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Castiel regrets dating a movie star, and one time Dean proves him wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For My Own

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt "Movies" of the [Destiel Christmas Minibang](http://deancaschristmasminibang.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr. The graphic below was created by the lovely [Ris](http://fvckingjensen.tumblr.com), and the title is a lyric from the song "All I Want For Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey.

 

The first time they’re photographed together, it’s in front of a Pinkberry on a Saturday. It is, of course, more invasive for Dean, as opposed to Cas who’s just caught in the shot. But still, it’s wholly off-putting and he frowns into his cup while Dean merely sighs.

“Sorry,” Dean mumbles around his spoon. “It’s annoying as shit, I know.” 

“Are you alright?” Cas is sure to ask, uncaring that his pistachio fro-yo is melting into a milkshake. “We could go somewhere else not out in the open.” 

But Dean shakes his head. “They’ll just follow us, babe. I’m okay if you are.” 

For a moment, Castiel blushes; Dean’s endearments tend to have that effect. They’ve been seeing each other for a few months now yet “babe” and “angel” and “sweetheart” make his knees go weak.

“Should we head to my place?” Dean comes a little closer. His smile is fond, meant for Cas’ eyes only. “I could cook some dinner. Finish that Scrabble game.” 

Cas huffs an amused laugh. “The one you’re losing?” 

“Hey, now, it’s not my fault your brain is so much bigger than mine.” Dean grins widely and catches his elbow. “S’a good thing I’m adorable, huh?” 

 _You have no idea_ , Castiel thinks, but instead replies, “You’re adequate.” 

“Sass-mouth,” Dean rolls his eyes and tugs him along down the busy street. 

Cas tosses his cup in the trash and peeks down at his clothes, a rumpled shirt and old, worn-in jeans. “I guess I should have dressed more appropriately. I wasn’t expecting to be photographed.” He smoothes a hand across his stomach, feeling self-conscious and oddly nervous. 

Dean glances over, looking unfairly handsome in his flannel button-down. “I don’t know about that,” his mouth curls up. “Wouldn’t want anyone else out there falling for you.” 

“Dean,” Cas ducks his head, because his boyfriend is merciless with sappy praise. Dean laughs, warm and teasing, and their pinkies brush, itching to link. 

Three days later, the photos show up on the shelf in their Safeway, in the latest _People_. The caption reads, _Dean Winchester and friend outside Pinkberry, Los Angeles, CA_ , and Cas isn’t sure whether he’s relieved or offended that he didn’t make the magazine’s cut to be Dean’s “potential love interest.” 

He doesn’t buy the issue, and pays for his milk.

 

◇ ◇ ◇

 

The second time is every gossip magazine proclaiming that Dean is dating one of his co-stars. The Internet floods with a single grainy photo of Dean and Lisa Braeden at a French restaurant, laughing. 

“She was telling me about her kid,” Dean groans tiredly when he calls. “Ben’s four and obsessed with Iron Man and refuses to take off his costume.” 

Cas wants to say sorry, almost by reflex, but lately they’ve been saying that too much to one another. He’s also seen the way Lisa looks at Dean, knows that her son comes to visit the set and how good Dean must be with him. He bites his lip, gone quiet now, and Dean’s voice is concerned when he speaks again. 

“Cas?” he hesitates. “Hey, are you still there?” 

“Yeah,” Cas lowers his eyes, avoiding his surroundings though Dean can’t see him. 

“Baby,” Dean says softly, “there’s nothing going on with Lisa.” 

“I know, it’s just…” Cas blinks at his lap. “Did it have to be a candlelight dinner?” Dean falls silent and the words sound petty and childish. He runs a hand over his face and amends, “I’m sorry, Dean. I’m being ridiculous.” 

“No, you aren’t,” Dean attempts to reassure. “I’m sorry, Cas. I didn’t think it through.” 

Cas smiles ruefully. “There we go, apologizing again.” He wonders if a normal couple would say “sorry” more often than “I love you.” 

“Yeah,” Dean murmurs back. “Sorry about th- Ah, shit,” he laughs. 

And Cas can’t help it; he laughs too, because Dean is sweet, and ever wonderful. “Miss you,” he says with a sigh, wishing Dean were here, holding him tight. 

“God, Cas,” Dean replies, low and rough, thick with emotion. “I miss you like crazy. Can’t wait to see you. Just two more weeks and I’m flying back.” 

Cas doesn’t need to tell him that he’s got the date marked, on his phone and calendar, counting down the days. “Benny will be driving you home?” 

“As fast as he can, straight from the airport.” 

“I’ll be here,” Cas promises him. “I love you, Dean. Take care of yourself.” 

“Love you too, babe. Don’t let that asshole chief of yours walk all over you.” 

Cas thinks of Uriel and laughs. It’s one way to describe the grumpy cardiac surgeon. “I’ll try my best,” he says to Dean, who makes a sly joke about how he can’t come home to a sleep-deprived boyfriend. “We have a lot to catch up on,” he adds suggestively. Cas blushes to the tips of his ears and stays that way through their drawn-out goodbye. 

His heart is twitching happily when they hang up, like it always does after talking with Dean. But an hour later, under the covers, with the other side of his bed cold and empty, Cas buries his face in his pillow and feels lonelier than he has in a while.

 

◇ ◇ ◇

 

The third time is on Cas’ birthday, which Dean misses due to Comic Con. He has known for months that Dean wouldn’t be there but the reality still stirs a pang in his chest.

He has a bouquet of flowers waiting at the hospital, all hypoallergenic and patient-safe because Dean is attentive like that. His fellow interns sort of swarm him, curious to see who the note is from, but Cas politely keeps it to himself. He already has to share Dean with the rest of the world. 

“Happy birthday, angel,” Dean says in a voicemail. It’s noisy behind him with convention chatter. “Next year, I’m bringing you with me, Cas. This is like, nerd heaven. You’d love it here,” he chuckles. “Anyway, have a good time with Jo and Vic, okay? I’ll try to call later. Love you and miss you.” He ends the message with a loud kissing sound, and Castiel is smiling when he saves the recording. 

Jo and Victor take him out to a bar, where they order fries and too many buffalo wings and a few rounds of the local beer. Jo is Dean’s friend from childhood and Victor’s one of the other interns in Cas’ program, but now _they’re_ dating and the four of them often double, except for times like these when Dean is away.  

“Did you see his picture with the Stormtroopers?” Jo asks. She hands Castiel her cell and he spots Dean in his Batman tee, arms looped around two people in costume. “It’s insane. Eighteen thousand retweets. I got two on that selfie with my cat and one was Mom and the other was _this_ guy.”  

She points sideways at Victor with her thumb, and he grins mischievously, kissing her temple. “I like that picture of you.” 

Jo turns pink. “I think you’re just biased.” 

“I’m still here, guys,” Cas waves his hand. They both laugh at him, though not unkindly. 

“Hey, let’s send Dean a selfie,” Jo suggests, getting up and walking around to climb into Cas’ side of the booth. She gestures at Victor to follow suit, and it’s an uncoordinated mess of limbs for a bit, as Jo insists on putting Cas in the middle and squishing him in between them, kissing his cheeks. 

“Vic, you need to shave,” Cas sighs at the stubble, but breaks into a laugh when Victor just smacks his lips against his skin that much harder. 

Jo gleefully sends the picture to Dean, along with the message, “He’s ours now.” It’s an hour or two before Dean calls Cas and he’s just gotten home, toeing off his shoes. 

“So, it looks like I need to have a stern word with Jo and Vic.” 

Cas laughs as he walks to the bedroom. “I don’t know. They’ve staked their claim.” 

“Have they now,” Dean growls a little, which makes a shiver run down Cas’ spine. 

“I guess you could try to win me back. Going all caveman on them just might work.” 

“Oh, yeah?” Dean hums playfully. “How ‘bout a cage fight? I’ve been working out.” 

Cas sits against his headboard and hugs a pillow to his heart. “That’s another option,” he smiles, wistful. “How are you, Dean? How’s the convention?” 

“Hectic,” Dean replies. The call is much quieter this time; he must be at his hotel. “But I did meet David Tennant, which was whoa, I think I embarrassed myself. Turns out he’s going to London next week too, said we should meet for lunch. How crazy is that?” 

“Wow, that’s-” He’s about to say ‘amazing,’ but then- “Wait… Next week?” 

“Yeah, for my interview on _Graham_ fucking _Norton_ and- Oh, god, did I not tell you?”  

“I…” Cas tries to hide his disappointment. “I’m sure you did. I must’ve forgot.” Except he hasn’t. They’d planned for next weekend to be a much-needed break from both of their jobs. He even requested to take Friday off so they would have more time, more hours. 

“Shit,” Dean curses under his breath, and there’s a _thump_ like he’s flopping down on the bed. “Our date weekend,” he sighs miserably. “We were gonna be holed up at our place for three days and- Cas, I’m so sorry. Can we… Maybe we could…”  

“We’ll find another time,” Cas says steadily, though he remembers how hard it was to fit this plan in, to pencil himself into Dean’s schedule. He’s also extremely busy by normal standards - eighty-hour weeks, high stress level - but at least he’s granted rest periods.Dean rarely receives that luxury nowadays.

“I’m sorry, babe. We’ll make a different weekend work, alright? I promise.” 

Cas glances at the Polaroids on the wall, silly, poorly framed selfies taken on their navy couch, in their tiled kitchen. Dean with batter in his hair that morning when a food fight turned into necking; Castiel with color high in his cheeks because Dean surprised him with a kiss before the shutter. He replies “Okay” and keeps looking at the photos, of all the moments they made it work despite it all. But tonight, he’s tired and sad, wonders if he can wholeheartedly put faith in Dean’s promise.

 

◇ ◇ ◇

 

The fourth time is on an ordinary Friday, save for Dean’s premiere in New York City. Cas comes home and drops his keys in the sea green bowl he bought in Eugene, barely has a chance to take off his jacket when he’s met with a petulant mewl. “Sorry I’m late,” he murmurs softly, crouching down to tap his kitten on the nose. He lets Truffle sniff at his hand and scratches the spot right next to her ear. “How about some dinner, hmm?” 

He pokes his head into the powder room as he makes his tired way over to the kitchen, pulling off his scrub top and tossing it in the hamper in one fluid, practiced sweep. It joins his scrubs from yesterday, which reminds him he ought to do laundry. He makes a mental note for himself when Truffle cries and squeaks at his feet. 

“I’m going,” he quirks his lips, and she perks up instantly, trailing close. “Tuna or trout?” he muses out loud, and she huffs like the answer is all-too obvious. “Tuna it is,” he says with a smile, feeling her weave figure eights around his ankles. “Happy?” he later asks amusedly, receiving a satisfied _nom nom_ sound in response.  

With a lousy cafeteria dinner still sitting heavily in his belly, Cas decides to sift through his mail in lieu of heating leftover pasta. There’s a bill, a Pottery Barn catalog, a promo postcard from Teavana and coupons for Ralphs, plus a cream envelope tucked among them addressed to him in delicate script. 

He ignores it and reaches for the bill. 

Once Truffle is sated and no longer interested in what Royal Canin has to offer, Castiel moves to scoop her up and takes her to the couch where she settles in his lap. He has a _NEJM_ article to read and seventeen cases to mull over, but his mind is completely exhausted so he opts for a break in the form of Netflix.  

“Think I could stop after one episode, sweetheart?” he asks, as he kisses the top of her head. She squirms and paws at his chin like she’s trying to tell him, “Yeah, fat chance.”  

Cas does have a mountain of work, though, so he limits himself to just fifty minutes of _Jessica Jones_. But he’s maybe halfway through when he glances at his phone, finding it hard to resist his curiosity.  

It takes half a second for autofill to guess the name he’s typing in, another two for the page to load with high res photos and newest articles. There are obnoxious, all-caps titles promising the deepest, juiciest scoop. Cas blithely skips ahead to the photos, to familiar green and soft, styled hair.

Dean had texted him earlier with a snapshot from his hotel, getting ready for the night. ‘Wish you were here,’ the message had read, paired with a smile and dark grey suit. It’s kind of amazing and horrifying that he manages to look better at the actual event. Cas can imagine the fawning reporters, tripping over themselves for a precious soundbite. 

“Are you seeing anyone?” someone asks Dean. (Cas doesn’t know when he ended up on YouTube. He could’ve sworn he was just looking at photos.)

Dean grins and his eyes flick downward, presumably to the name printed on her press pass. “What about you, Sarah?” he asks in turn, and then she’s too flustered to pry any further. 

Several others give the question a shot, but Dean is an expert in avoiding them all. To a male reporter who says, “So, the biggest question is whether you’re single,” Dean offers a wink and a “Why aren’t they asking you, handsome?” 

This is ‘on’ Dean, the charming persona he reserves for cons, interviews, the public. His softer side is reserved for Cas, for their two am dinners and kissing before bed, smiling at each other through Skype chat windows. He could’ve been there with Dean tonight, held his hand beneath the flashing lights. Dean had asked, several times, but Cas never thought he looked good in monkey suits anyway. 

“Dean, who’s your date tonight?” 

Dean smiles ruefully. “Well, I asked but, ah, got turned down.” 

The reporter gasps. “Who in the world would turn _you_ down?”  

He gives a little shrug. “Someone out of my league.”

 

◇ ◇ ◇

 

The fifth time is two weeks before Christmas, when Jo emails him and writes, “Hey, you better watch this.” It includes a link to a ten-minute interview, which Cas sleepily clicks on while curled up in his tiny hospital bunk.

Dean is wearing Cas’ gift from Christmas last year, a cashmere sweater that makes his embraces feel like clouds, soft and warm. He can’t help the warmth that bubbles in his chest at the thought of Dean insisting on the sweater to his stylist. There are so many brands clamoring to dress him but God knows Dean is just as stubborn. 

Most of the video is focused on his projects, including rumors (some true, some false) of Dean working with Who’s Who in Hollywood. Until the interviewer decides to segue, leading with, “And Dean, speaking of rumors… Are you currently dating anyone? Is there a girlfriend? Or maybe a boyfriend?” 

Dean raises an eyebrow at her. “Open minded. I appreciate that.” He ducks his head, all secretive smile, and looks back up. 

“Can’t say that I do.” 

Cas feels his heart sink down to his stomach.

 

◇ ◇ ◇

 

Cas doesn’t answer any of Jo’s texts, just turns off his phone and dives into his work. It almost disappoints him to have his shift end, because it means going back to his apartment - his and _Dean’s_ apartment - without a good distraction.

Truffle greets him by attacking his feet, her tiny kitten claws poking him through his socks. He picks her up and snuggles her, burying his face in her downy fur. She meows and squirms a bit then bumps her nose against his stubbled cheek. 

“What should I do,” Cas murmurs low, carrying her to the couch where he sinks down with a sigh. He pets her until she’s purring in his lap, blinking slowly, ready to doze off. 

“I should talk to him, right?” he asks, to no one in particular, staring sadly at his hands. Truffle has her head resting matter-of-factly on his wrist, one of her paws tangled in his fingers and it makes him smile despite everything else.

 

◇ ◇ ◇

 

He isn’t sure when he falls asleep, still in his scrubs, tired and hurting. 

When he’s roused back to consciousness, there’s a hand in his hair, gentle and sure. 

“Hey,” a voice calls softly, and it belongs to Dean, who’s sitting beside him. Truffle is no longer sitting in his lap but Cas can hear her food bowl clinking a few feet away. “It isn’t fair that I gotta come home to a pretty doctor napping with our cat.” Dean grins, sweet and adoring. “It made it too hard not to wake you up.” 

Cas blinks, biting his lip, wondering if Dean knows he’s seen the interview. Dean is still smiling like nothing’s wrong and Cas wants to hold him and kiss him again, yet there’s the ache right next to his heart and he has no idea how to even begin. 

“Are you staying?” he asks unsurely. 

“Yeah. Till after Christmas.” 

“Oh,” he drops his eyes. 

Dean laughs. “Don’t sound too excited.” 

“No, it’s not-” His cheeks flush red. “It’s just… Do you want me here?” 

“Do I…?” 

Cas can practically hear the frown in Dean’s voice. 

“Babe,” Dean says a little quieter, scooting closer and cupping Cas’ face. “What’s going on?” he adds so worriedly that Cas thinks the video must have been a dream. 

“Nothing,” he replies too fast, and Dean doesn’t move, not buying it at all. Castiel sighs, breath shaky and strained, and continues, “I know it’s difficult… to date someone when you’re constantly in the spotlight, with everyone watching.” 

Dean’s frown slightly deepens at that, but his thumb’s on Cas’ cheekbone, caressing it, attempting to soothe by touch alone. “Sure, it’s no picnic sometimes, but Cas, I thought you knew- Hey. Look at me?” 

Cas does, eyes wide and scared.

Dean swallows, still frowning, making sure their eyes are locked. “There’s not gonna be anyone else. Not now. Not _ever_ , okay?” He bends to kiss the corner of Cas’ mouth. “It’s you and me, Cas. You don’t need to doubt that.” 

“But,” Cas presses his face into Dean’s neck, “you said- They asked and you said…” 

Dean wraps an arm around him. “What?”

“She asked if you were dating anyone,” Cas says, and Dean stills for a drawn-out beat before holding Cas tighter.

“You watched it already?”

“Yes? Jo sent me the link.” 

Dean chuckles. “Of course she did. God, I knew she’d be impatient.” 

“Dean?” Cas is confused, even more so when Dean pulls back smiling. 

“Did you watch it till the end?” he asks, eyes twinkling, and Cas tilts his head. 

“I… What’s at the end?” 

For a moment, Dean’s expression doesn’t know what it wants to be, going from sheer surprise to stifled laughter to a fond amusement that’s too familiar. “ _Babe_ ,” he breathes with a laugh. “Oh my god, I can’t believe this.” He then pulls out his phone, taps quickly at the screen, before handing it to Cas. “Watch it again.” 

“Dean, I-” 

“Please, sweetheart?” Dean smiles. “You’ll want to. Just one more time.” 

He sounds so insistent, almost pleading, and Cas has never been good at telling Dean ‘no.’ He curls his fingers around the phone, peering at the screen, and presses Play.

 

_“And Dean, speaking of rumors… Are you currently dating anyone? Is there a girlfriend? Or maybe a boyfriend?”_  

_Dean raises an eyebrow at her. “Open minded. I appreciate that.” He ducks his head, all secretive smile, and looks back up._  

_“Can’t say that I do.”_  

_“Really?” she hums in jest. “You certainly look like someone in love.”_  

_“Yeah?” Dean laughs good-naturedly. “Guess I should clarify my answer then.”_  

_“How so?” the interviewer asks, and Dean blushes, rubbing his neck._  

_“Well, I said I didn’t have a girlfriend or boyfriend.”_  

_A pause._  

_“That’s because I’m engaged.”_

 

Cas nearly drops the phone from his hands. He looks up in shock. “Dean? What-” 

But Dean is already moving, getting down on one knee, and Cas is rendered _speechless_ by the sight of the ring. 

“I know it was presumptuous,” Dean smiles. “I went about the order all wrong and babe, I’m so sorry if I ever made you feel like… like I’m not _insanely_ in love with you. Because I am. Head over heels. You’re awesome and smart and _gorgeous_ and too good for me. I know that. You’re also grumpy as shit in the mornings but I want that too.”  

“Dean…” Cas’ pulse is racing, heart clenching happily, cheeks flushed pink. 

“Wanna hold hands with me for the rest of our lives?” 

Dean winks and Castiel laughs. 

“Yes, of course I do.” 

Dean doesn’t have a chance to put the ring on Cas’ finger, as he’s pulled into a kiss that leads to making out, lazy and wonderful, on the couch. 

“It drove me crazy, Cas, not being with you,” Dean drops a kiss to the bolt of Cas’ jaw. 

“Me too,” Cas sighs back and fists Dean’s shirt to tug him close. 

“I just wanted you for my own.” 

“You have no idea,” Castiel smiles. 

“More than you could ever know.” 

Cas snorts. “Are you quoting Mariah Carey?” 

Dean lifts his head to kiss Cas deep, and sweet. “Yeah,” he grins afterward, which Cas can feel against his own lips. “You’re all I wanted for Christmas.” 

Cas relents. “You’re all I wanted too, Dean.”

 

◇ ◇ ◇

 

The next time they’re photographed together, it’s early Christmas morning outside of a Starbucks. And Dean smiles, handsome and playful, pulling Cas right into a kiss. 

When the photo comes out, their rings are visible, catching the sun and glinting prettily, and the caption reads, _Dean Winchester shares a kiss with his fiancé, Castiel Novak_.  

Sam complains that their “pawing like teenagers in public” was the reason they were late to his Christmas breakfast. Still, he and Jess manage to get a copy of the original photo and give it to them in a romantic Christmas picture frame.

**Author's Note:**

> [Rebloggable link here](http://puppycastiel.tumblr.com/post/135205452625)
> 
> Do leave me kudos, comments, and love! :)
> 
> [Tumblr](http://puppycastiel.tumblr.com) | [Twitter](http://twitter.com/leeshwrites)


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